Roz Land

I haven't posted anything in a while because I just didn't want to, and couldn't think of anything to write about that wasn't full of negativity. 

These hot flashes are driving me insane...like yesterday, I no sooner had put on my makeup in the morning for work, did my hair, and before I got to my car, I was wringing wet and my makeup was a nice gooey mixture of sweat and powder.  The mood swings are no better. I am constantly on the edge of tears, and it takes very little to set off my temper.  I tend to obsess about things and negative things have a much greater impact on my attitude and feelings than ever before.  I feel sad and alone much of the time.  I feel like I can't do anything right, or good enough, and no one is in my corner.  My kids have their own lives and don't have time for me, and my hubby is involved deeply in his business and church related stuff... I am not a priority to anyone.

OK-- so take hormones.  Nope.  Don't wanna.  I have heard so many things about the side effects of THOSE THINGS (primarily gaining weight) that I don't even want to go there. I just keep thinking that I can wait it out...that sooner (please!) or later it will be done and over with.  Not happening....

My birthday came and went without much hurrah...At least we met Brad and Jenny and KATE for dinner that night, and that was a good present!   Here's how the rest of it went:  3 birthday cards from companies wanting my business, 2 cards from people at church that I don't even really know,  1 card from son & family, nothing from my daughter, church friends, or co-workers and a Walmart gift card and some perfume I have never heard of from my husband; and my mom was in the hospital after a big surgery.  There just aren't that many opportunities thru out the year to tell someone they are special to you, and I just think that a birthday trumps Mother's Day, Christmas, Valentines, and the other few "gift-giving" chances people get.  And WHY should that be limited to just a few certain calendar days....it would be different if just spontaneously people went out of their way to surprise you with a gift, or SOMETHING, but that rarely happens either... 

Don't get me wrong. I have a great life, for the most part.  Great kids, great husband, great family --- we are blessed in so many ways, financially and otherwise.... So I DO feel bad for going on about this.  But does it really hurt someone to remember someone that is supposed to be special to them on their freakin' birthday????

See what I mean....I think the menopause blues have hit full force and this depression is a deepening rut that is hard to climb out of.  Oh well, all I have to do is to listen to some of my friend's stories about THEIR family issues, and I do feel better!

Hormones...you may just become a friend really soon.